Breastfeeding Photos McAllen, Texas
Hazy memories still linger in my head from those first breastfeeding attempts... I was groggy, trying to wrap my mind around my very first emergency cesarean, putting on my poker face when everyone asked if I was okay. Those first latches didn’t come easily but overall, I’d say we had a fairly smooth 8-10 month breastfeeding journey.
My second baby comes around and it’s time to figure it all out again. I was determined, I was mourning the loss of the vbac I never got, I was holding this second baby and ready to take on the world again. Another successful breastfeeding journey in the books! 12 months and proud...
Ben was another easy peasy latching baby... yet another failed vbac attempt... another hit to my soul but here he was, healthy, beautiful and in my arms. He nursed like a champ for 2 years.
Then came Abbey. This family-centered cesarean healed my soul. She was skin to skin immediately and we formed a bond from the start. She and I had some hurdles to get our nursing sessions to flow smoothly. Poor latch, sore nipples, heavy let downs and lots of spit up. Make that TONS of spit up. Overall, I would say that despite the hiccups, we did alright. She is by far the longest nursing journey. We surpassed the 3-year mark this past December and she’s still going strong. Extended breastfeeding is not anything I ever thought about when I held my first little guy... yet here we are, 3 1/2 yrs into my very last breastfeeding round.
Sometimes I find myself wishing I could have my body back and then I remember those days when the stomach flu strikes and Abbey escaped the wrath of illness... or at least gets by with her “nursies.” Other times, I wish I could just sleep without a toddler trying to yank at my shirt... well, you get the idea... it isn’t always peachy.
Well, it seems my breast decided to retire without giving me the heads up or waving the white flag. I developed a clogged duct recently (quite common yet, new to me.) Well, this darn duct is stubborn as they come. It’s been a week of warm compresses, lecithin supplements, massage, nursing and more nursing, Vit C, antibiotics, etc etc... the clog persists. Now reality is hitting me in the face and every latch seems like it may be the last. The flood of emotions is high not only because this clog is driving me crazy, but because this is it. She’s the last baby. The last latch that finalizes this chapter of my book. Goodness, I can’t even begin to describe what this bittersweet feeling is like. I want to hold her extra close, savor every last nursing cuddle and hang on to the memory of what has been my life for the past few years.
These littles will never be this little again. This life of ours will never be what it currently is. We are forever changing and growing as our family moves forward and although it’s exciting, it’s also leaving this mama with a big aching heart.
~norma
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